so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
