Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
