Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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