i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
