Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Randomize
