My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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