Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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