no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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