WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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