Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
