i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
