Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
