i jhust puked up my retainher.
i barfeds in our rink
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
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