I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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