after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
