I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
