My nipple is on Facebook.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
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