2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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