It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize
