I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
