guys are only as good as the porn they watch
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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