They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
