I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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