based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
This house was built for laser tag.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
