i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
