why do cheetos always look like penises
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
