why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
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