She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
