I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Brb crying the tears of my youth
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
