Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
