Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Send help, water and tortillas.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
