dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
