we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
