bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
