The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
i will never coherently bang her
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Randomize
