Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future�
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
