this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
