were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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