I met the friendliest cop last night
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
