she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
