I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Randomize
