I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
