: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
