You don't have asthma, your pregnant
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
