At least make sure they are 18
Why
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
