I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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