I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
