You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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