pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
i think i scared a bird with my dick
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
