my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
